


to let your heart find a home

by theshipshipper



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 11:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15818271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshipshipper/pseuds/theshipshipper
Summary: "I'm not looking for anything serious.""Since when?" He asked, voice ragged as he trailed kisses down her neck.Sansa's got him pinned to the wall, her body against his, her fingers tangled with his curls, and it's heaven and hell for him at the same time."Since I decided casual is easier. Less stress, no heartbreak," she whispers back, dragging him back so she could look at him.Her eyes fall to his lips for a second before meeting his eyes expectantly; waiting for a response.He thinks about it for maybe half a second before responding. "Okay," he said, pulling her back to him. "I can do casual."Except, he actually can't. Because he's already in love with her.---Title from: Lose My Mind - Dean Lewis





	to let your heart find a home

**Author's Note:**

> This is the 30th Jonsa fic I've written and I didn't even think I'd write a single one two years ago. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

" _I'm not looking for anything serious."_

In hindsight, that should've been enough reason for Jon to let her go. Instead, careless, he lets himself fall even more.

"Since when?" He asked, voice ragged as he trailed kisses down her neck.

Sansa's got him pinned to the wall, her body against his, her fingers tangled with his curls and it's both heaven and hell for him at the same time.

"Since I decided casual is easier. Less stress, no heartbreak," she whispers back, dragging him back so she could look at him.

Her eyes fall to his lips for a second before meeting his eyes expectantly; waiting for a response.

He inhaled slowly, licking his lips as his eyes trailed down her mouth. If he leaned in, just a little, they'd be kissing again, but he can tell that they aren't going any farther until he makes a decision.

He thinks about it for maybe half a second before responding. "Okay," he said, pulling her back to him. "I can do no-strings."

"Good," she said in a low voice before crashing her lips back to his in a heartbeat.

Of course, he knew, deep down, that it'd been the wrong answer.

Maybe -- theoretically, Jon could do casual. It seems pretty straightforward; no emotions involved, just sex. But in reality, he's just not that kind of guy.

And even all that aside, he's already doing it all wrong. Casual means casual, but how does it work if he already has feelings for Sansa?

He didn't always have them, just - the feelings just sort of crept up.

They were both in King's Landing, two lone wolves in a sea of snakes an lions... there was comfort in clinging to the only piece of home, so far away from Winterfell.

They'd started hanging out, getting to know each other in a way they were never able to before, and suddenly, at some point in the year they've become friends, he realized that the feelings were there. And there was nothing he could do about it.

It only got worse after they started the whole friends-with-benefits thing.

Suddenly, she was inexcapable; she was always around and when she isn't, he could always find her stuff lying around his apartment, her scent seems to be permanently stuck to his bed and clothes, and anything remotely exciting happens in his life he has this urge to tell her about it first.

She was becoming more and more a part of his life and, gods, did he _love_ it.

He loved it so much that he forgot where the lines were supposed to be drawn. He was careless - even more than he already was going in - and he let himself fantasize being with Sansa for real.

It was a mistake even though it didn't feel like it. Not when they hung out at her favorite coffee shop and all they did was argue and make fun of each other, not when she would come over his place to watch a movie or to study, not when they would drive around for miles out of town just to eat dinner at a place she found online -- especially not at night when, even in her sleep, she would twist and turn on the bed until she finds her way securely into his arms.

It was so easy to fool himself into believing they could be more that he'd forgotten what the truth of it was.

He fished his phone from his pocket as soon as it vibrates, his face falling as soon as he sees that it's not Sansa.

 **Arya**  
r u here yet?  
I just got in with G.

 **Jon**  
yeah, a couple hours ago.

He stares at his phone for a moment, fingers hovering over the keys until -

 **Jon**  
who else is here, do you know?

  
He hasn't heard from Sansa in two weeks and he knows that must mean that whatever was going on between them is over. It was alway bound to end, he knows, but he wishes she'd at least tell him to his face.

 **Arya**  
just me, gendry, and sansa.  
but i'm sure we'll all be here by night.  
just in time to start the summer right.

He wasn't sure if she'd be back in Winterfell or not. They were supposed to drive back together tomorrow but she wasn't answering any of his messages so he'd driven back on his own a day earlier.

Jon tucked his phone back in his pocket and ran a hand through his hair. He wishes he could stop feeling like his heart was getting ripped out of his chest.

It's his own damn fault, anyway. He knew the whole thing with Sansa was a terrible idea and he ignored the warning signs.

Now he's heartbroken with no right to be.

He spends his afternoon at his mom's diner, just helping out like he always used to. His mom keeps telling him that he doesn't have to, that he could go meet with his friends and have fun, but he doesn't want to. Working helps him keeps his mind busy and obessing over what Sansa could be doing right now.

It mostly works but everyone keeps making him talk about the South and the people there, curious as ever. Of course, that only means he he's reminded of all his favorite places and memories - all of which is tied to Sansa.

Lazy days at his apartment, that obscure spot in the public library they would always study in, that bakery they hunted down when she heard it made the best lemoncakes in the South, and all these other places that never would've meant anything if not for her.

It's sometime later when she comes by the diner with her friends; it used to be their favorite place to hang out in high school so it's no surprise, but he didn't expect her to come here now. Not after avoiding him these past couple of weeks.

He's frozen for a moment, his mind and body unable to fully grasp that she's actually there. He misses her so much he's convinced his mind might've conjured her up.

He sees her walk to their usual booth with Beth Cassel and Jeyne Poole, and though she's smiling he can tell that something's off with her.

Almost two years getting to know her and it feels like he can understand every underlying emotions she goes through, no words required.

He's tempted to go over to her and ask if she's okay, or maybe just offer her a hug. She loves those; she would bury her face on the crook of his neck and squeeze him tight like she doesn't want to let him go.

His favorite is when she would sniff his scent, almost like a primal need, and tell him that he smells like _home_.

The thought of her in his arms sends a sharp pain through his chest and he looks away, trying to busy himself with whatever work he can find.

From the corner of his eye - because honestly, he's always so aware of her - he sees her whisper something to Jeyne Poole before making her way over to him.

He sucked in a deep breath in anticipation, just waiting with bated breath as she got closer and closer to him.

"Hi," she says quietly, offering him an awkward smile as she leaned over the counter in front of him. "I thought you were driving home tomorrow, I didn't know you'd be here."

It sounds like an explanation - like she wouldn't be here otherwise, and he finds himself looking down in disappointment.

So she didn't come here for _him_.

"I didn't have anything else down South," he said, willing himself to sound casual. "So I drove home early."

She nodded, chewing on the inside of her cheek - she does that when she's nervous. "Jon, about what - "

"You don't have to explain," he cut her off, watching her carefully.

He wants to punch himself for saying it because fuck does he want an explanation. He's been making himself crazy thinking about what he must've done wrong. Though maybe he could already guess.

The longer their set-up went on, the harder it was to pretend that he wasn't madly in love with her. At some point, he'd stopped pretending - and maybe she noticed it too.

I'm not looking for anything serious. She'd made that clear from the get-go, he shouldn't have expected her to stick around when feelings started getting involved.

"I do have to explain," she insisted, looking at him -- warily? No, what is it on her face... guilt? "I shouldn't have just run out on you like that - "

Ah, _pity_. That must be it. He's been asking for this anyway, right? He wanted closure and now she's giving it.

He swallowed, fully aware that he can't handle this yet.

"Sansa you don't have to tell me," he tells her again, his expression guarded. "No strings, remember? You don't owe me anything. Don't worry about it. We're cool."

Leaving her there, he peeks his head into the kitchen door. "Hey, mom... I'm gonna go home for a while. Rest for a bit before everyone arrives."

"Alright, sweetling." His mom gives him a smile, and he takes off his apron before heading out.

As he walks out of the diner, though, light snow falling from the sky even though it's soupposed to be summer, he hears her, loud and clear:

"I lied. I knew you'd be here." He turns and finds Sansa standing by the door, looking at him with so much weight in her eyes. "That's the only reason I even came... because I wanted to see you. I miss you."

He swallowed. "Yeah? Didn't seem like you would that night when you just suddenly left me."

"Well, I do miss you. So much." She started walking towards him and he stays put, he couldn't really make himself move. "And that night -- " she shook her head, looking down the ground. "I was scared, Jon."

He frowned. "Of me?"

She shook her head and took a deep breath. "Of how I feel for you."

He sucked in a deep breath. "How... how do you feel about me?"

"I'm crazy for you, Jon Snow," she said with a sardonic little laugh. "No matter how hard I tried not to, you just -- you made it impossible. I didn't know what to do."

Suddenly, it makes senses. Of course she was scared -- that's the whole reason she didn't want anything serious in the first place.

_Less stress, no heartbreak._

"You could've told me that," he tells now, closing the distance between them with sure steps. "If you did, I would've told you that I'm just as crazy for you."

She looked at him, searching his eyes for any uncertainty. He knows she won't find it -- he's so sure of how he feels for her.

"You are?"

He nodded. "Completely."

And in that moment, he gives her his heart. To break, to chrerish -- to do whatever she wants with it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to wait until I finished one of my WIPs before I did this but, in light if recent events (Jonsa Reunion 2.0), I will be opening my ask box on tumblr (theshipshipper) for a week for prompts.
> 
> Feel free to send me fic ideas you want me to write, preferrably modern aus, and I'll try to write no less than a thousand words for each of them.
> 
> Also, if you want me to gift you the fic, make sure to include your ao3 username so I can tag you. :D


End file.
